Panic

I had a mini-meltdown last week. There, I said it.

I'd researched my injury (injuries?) and was starting to panic. What if I have something more serious wrong with my back? I saw all kinds of terms such as slipped discs, herniated discs, nerve entrapment. Lots of medical terms that would cause a state of panic in the most seasoned runner.

After almost 3 months on the IR, I'm starting to feel frustrated with my lack of progress. I feel hopeless, like I'll never run again. Sadly my husband doesn't understand how I feel. I can put it into words and he tries to understand, but he doesn't. It doesn't help that the pain keeps coming back. I do the exercises almost religiously. I go through the torture of ART and dry needling twice a week but the pain isn't going away.

Running is my stress management technique. It keeps me sane. It's part of who I am and how I define myself. So, naturally I feel lost without it. Now I'm doubting all my race plans and I feel like a failure as a runner. I know I shouldn't, but I do. It wasn't so bad when the weather was awful, but now that it's sunny and warm, I feel like I've been left out of the running party.

It also doesn't help that some people feel the need to offer their opinion on my injury. When they ask how I'm doing and I tell them, they want details. Then when I give details, I invariably get "How can you back cause your foot to hurt?" - what they don't know is that I've previously injured my back twice, once when I was 18, the other when I was 26. Overall, what I'm going through is just not something that's easy to explain, nor to understand. Which leads to more soapboxing by friends and family.

But I trust my physiotherapist's diagnosis more than I trust random people with no medical qualifications. My parents keep telling me I need to find a new physiotherapist for a second opinion. The thing is, I trust her completely. I know she's a diamond in the rough. She's well-educated, up-to-date on all the latest treatments and techniques. She's not milking me, as so many often do.

I need to remember that trust. I kind of lost it at physio on Thursday. She saw me at my darkest time, when I was doubting everything: myself, her, my future as a runner. My PT tells me that the fact that the pain has moved from my foot into my back is a good thing. I can't say that I agree... but I'll take her word for it.